Like most MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers), right now I’ve been reading way more Dr. Seuss than Dr. Ruth. For the most part, I feel about as hot as Danny Bonaduce’s career. Is married sex after kids destined to be a pipe dream like hobbies or flat abs? If you answered yes, perhaps it is time to give your perspective on seduction a PG-13 tune up.
French Women Are Superior to You
Have you noticed the book craze that promotes French women as superior to American in every single way? From their propensity not to get fat to the way their children dutifully eat everything, I’ve had about all I can take of French female exceptionalism. Well prepare for two more strikes against the American women’s team: our undies and jammies. I’m pretty sure that no French woman would ever be caught in the shameful granny panties and holey sweats that we wear to bed. Or calling them undies and jammies. Time to put a line item in the budget for one set of lingerie and one pair of pajamas that have not been around since the beginning of the Obama administration.
I’m pretty sure that this is one purchase that your husband will approve.
Embrace Your Inner Ninja
Hey, did you ever imagine in your days before kids that sex with your husband would require sneakery, planning and conniving? This means war! You know your preferences and schedule best. Are you a Sunday afternoon “napper”? Or perhaps you’ve decided to “sleep in” while the kids catch up on their Saturday morning cartoons. Could be that you are environmental Barbie and you are going to shower together to “save water”. Are you tired of air quotes yet? Use whatever euphemism works for you or have a good time coming up with some of your own.
Fake it till you make it
Shame on you! Not that! Look, during this season of life it is easy to relegate our sex life to Arbor Day and your anniversary. Sometimes we think that if we can’t create a grand experience with candles, satin sheets and roses, why bother? Start small and act “as if”. Perfume, spicy texts and flirting with your husband take mere seconds but can do wonders for your feeling like an attractive woman again instead of an unattractive sack of potatoes with small humans velcroed to your legs.
Be like the wives in the Viagra commercials
I mentioned this to my husband and he did an adorable impression of these women smiling and shaking their thing for their husbands. Unlike many of us, they never act put out or more interested in their I-Phone when their husband is pursuing them. Their facial expression and body language is sweet and inviting.
Sex with our husband is not work. It is fun, remember? Like pizza, even so-so nookie is still pretty great. Plus, unlike pizza, it is free, low-carb and will make two members of the household smile.
Beth Duhon’s previous writing experience includes grocery lists and Craig’s List ads. She volunteers for the MOPS group at First Baptist Church of Katy, Texas, and has a three year old named Mark.